Autumn Shade
by dingus485
Summary: I can almost feel death blowing in the wind as I walk through the cemetery that I have been visiting everyday for the last ten years...


Disclaimer: I own nothing and all that sheet.

I can almost feel death blowing in the wind as I walk through the cemetery that I have been visiting everyday for the last ten years. In the distance I hear muffled sobs, but I don't think much of it because hearing sobs in a cemetery is as common as hearing laughter in a playground. Hearing those sobs however, made me think of all the times my own sobs could be heard flowing throughout the cemetery, but the pain of the past has subsided to a dull throb and I don't find myself crying at the sight of my family and friend's cold gravestones anymore. Descending through the path that I have walked upon so many times before, I begin to notice that the sobs are coming from the very spot of which I was headed. As the path ended and the cries became more audible, I could faintly see a withered looking woman hunched above the gravestone that belonged to the best buddy I ever had.

"Johnny.", she wept.

I noticed that she had hair blacker than the feathers of a raven, just like Johnny had had. The woman was so absorbed into her own pain that she didn't notice me as I came up to her until I mumbled a small, "hello" to her. She turned towards me slowly and I recognized her instantly. Her eyes gave her away. They were dark brown and had been over taken by a look of ruin since I had last seen her. Looking at her eyes at that moment made me think of the day so long ago when those very same eyes had stared back at me with a frightening look of hatred. But the memory was swept away like a crumpled leaf on a porch when Mrs. Cade suddenly embraced me.

"Oh Ponyboy, I would trade every year of my life just so Johnny could have his again."

I just looked at her. How pathetically hypocritical it was of her to be saying something like this now that he was dead. My eyes must have spoken my mind for me because Mrs. Cade told me how guilt has been eating her from the inside out since the day Johnny died.

"I never meant to hurt him," she said, "I was just caught beneath a landslide of violence and anger and took it out on him."

From there Mrs. Cade and I reminisced about every moment we had shared with Johnny. She told me about the numerous times she would glance into his helpless eyes and wish him something better, and I told her how Johnny was the glue that held the gang together. She stared at me then.

"When Johnny died, you and your friends all drifted away from one another didn't you?"

"Like I said, he was the glue that held us all together…and without him our friendship died, just like a lovebird dies when you take away its partner."

I knew Mrs. Cade understood what I meant by that because a few months after Johnny's death, Mrs. Cade and Johnny's worthless father split up. Which according to Mrs. Cade, was the first good thing that had happened to her in years. But the divorce had an opposite effect on her husband. He drank himself to death and was buried in a cemetery far away from this one, a cemetery that Mrs. Cade vowed she would never visit.

Soon after our talk about what her life had been like during the last decade, the conversation drifted to my own life experiences during the years.

"Johnny asked you to stay gold, and for his sake, I hope you've been doing just that." Mrs. Cade said. I laughed a little at that, because ever since those words left Johnny's mouth, living my life in a way that would please myself and Johnny has been pretty much all I've been trying to do.

" I sure hope I've been staying gold" I said, " but if you don't mind me asking, how did you know Johnny told me that?"

She gave me a thoughtful smile before saying, " I read your book, and I am so grateful that you wrote it because you kept Johnny from becoming infamous for being a murderer and made him a teenage savior."

"Well now I'm the one that's grateful because ever since that book got published people have been saying that it influences violence rather than looks down upon it. It's nice to hear someone smart enough to think otherwise."

"Every teenager in Tulsa, or better yet in the entire world, pretty much has the same opinion about your book as I do" Mrs. Cade said, "I don't think you know how much your book has helped teenagers in their journey through all the iniquity that this world provides for them."

At those words, a sigh of relief escaped me.

"Mission accomplished." I mumbled. Mrs. Cade knew what I meant by that too, because she nodded and we both started down the cemetery path that lead us, for the first time, to a feeling of satisfaction.


End file.
